Why did the pig cross the road?

Plato	For the greater good.
Karl Marx	It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli	So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a pig which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of porcine virtue? In such a manner is the princely pig's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates	Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida	Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the pig crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada	Give me ten minutes with the pig and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary	Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams	Forty-two.
Nietzsche	Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North	National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner:	Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung	The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual pigs cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre	In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the pig found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein	The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "pig" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein	Whether the pig crossed the road or the road crossed the pig depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle	To actualize its potential.
Buddha	If you ask this question, you deny your own pig-nature.
Howard Cosell	It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic,unprecedented porcine quadruped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly elegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Salvador Dali	The Fish.
Darwin	It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson	Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus	For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson	It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe	The eternal sow-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway	To die. In the rain. Alone.
Werner Heisenberg	We are not sure which side of the road the pig was on, but it was moving very fast.
Schrodinger	Pig? Pig!? Where's my cat?
David Hume	Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson	'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic	What road?
Frank Perdue	I breed the finest pig I know how, and it crosses the road as part of a vigorous fitness program to raise the leanest, plumpest pigs anywhere. Besides, I was chasing it with this axe at the time.
Ronald Reagan	I don't recall.
John Sununu	The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the pig availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx	You tell me.
Mr. T	If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Henry David Thoreau	To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain	The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly Yard	It was a sow!
Zeno of Elea	To prove it could never reach the other side.