Coyote & The Dogs (you can hear me read a bit shorter version in last week's Anima Vagula Blandula, accessible at IClaudius Antonius's Entrance.)

Hello, it’s me, Coyote, the storyteller. Are you ready for another story?

I remember, early one morning, a long time ago, I was doing what I do so well. Zzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz ZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZ. Sleeping. All of a sudden, there was barking outside my lodge. "Huh? Who’s there? I’m just waking up."

"Coyote, Coyote. Let us in. Yeah, Coyote. It’s us dogs, your cousins."

Yes, something does smell familiar. I thought I could smell dogs. I’ll go to the window. There a pack of them out there. I recognize them as my dog cousins.

"Woof, woof, let us in. Come on. Let us in. ....

"No way. I’m coming out there. What’s going on? All the dogs gathered around me. They were barking and yipping. It was hard to tell what they wanted. Then one of them came forward and the rest quieted down. He told me the dogs had a problem. They wanted to have a big festival. They wanted to have food and dancing. I thought that this all sounded good. They also told me they wanted to have music and singing.

"Oh, I understand now. You want me, Coyote to sing, dance and perform at your party. You need to have Coyote there!"

"No, no," they all said. "That’s not the problem. Look, coyote we can’t find a place for our party. Nobody wants us. We asked everyone. We asked the two-leggeds for a place to have our party and none of them will let us in. Yes. They say bad things about us."

"Bad things? What kind of bad things?" I ask.

Well, when we are inside, sometimes we get up on the furniture and we leave our hair.

Yeah, and they say we knock over the garbage. Sometimes we get in it and mess it all up.

"Well," I chuckle, "Garbage is garbage."

Well, they also insult us sometimes and hurt our feelings. They say that when we are in the house too long and the door is locked that sometimes we make a mistake on the floor.

"Ha, the two-leggeds locking the door-–that’s the mistake," I laugh out loud. "You dogs do have a reputation."

"Oh, Coyote we do want to have this party. You’ve got to help us. We need you to talk to the two-leggeds."

"Well, I do have some experience with humans. I could be your representative. Let me think. Ah ha, I have a great idea. Tell all the dogs to gather in front of the meeting lodge Saturday night, the festival of the dogs will happen!"

So, on Saturday night all the dogs in the territory showed up at the meeting lodge. I am at the entrance trying to get some order.

"Quiet, everybody. Quiet. Before we can go in, Coyote has an announcement."

"Now look. The Chief has rather graciously made an arrangement with me, Coyote, allowing all of you to have the lodge for tonight’s great party."

Lots of barking and howling.

"Now wait, there are rules. Before you can come in, you have to agree to all of them."

More barking and woofing.

"All right cut the bow-row routine, let’s just listen to Coyote."

"Now, here is the first rule. No getting on the furniture. No hair on the couch. Now we must have agreement. Number two. Stay out of the garbage. No dogs in the trash.

"I don’t know Coyote, some of my best meals have come out of the garbage can." This is from a big mutt in the back.

"Hey, if you want to party, you have got to agree to the rules."

"Well, we do want to party. Agreed."

Here’s the third rule. No mistakes on the floor.

"We never make mistakes on the floor," whimpers a little poodle.

"Every dog makes mistakes now and then, but for tonight, I’ve got a system were nobody is going to make a mistake. This is going to take absolute agreement. I want all of you, before you enter the lodge, to leave your bottom with me. I know what you are thinking, what will I do without it. Well, here is what you are going to do without, you are not going to make mistakes!"

"But Coyote, if we give you our bottoms, how are we going to get them back?"

"Ha, here is Coyote brain power. You line up at the door, you give me your bottoms one at a time and I give everybody a number. When the party is over, you give me the number and I give you your bottom back."

"Coyote! You are a genius."

"Yeah, good idea Coyote."

So everyone formed a line, and one by one, they handed over their bottoms and received a number.

"Okay, now don’t rush, one by one. Okay 73, 81...lots of bottoms...342, 471, 1043, 120,987, looks like the end of the line is in sight. Ah, you are the last one and I am done. All the bottoms on hooks, all the numbers given out. Now I am going inside to enjoy the party myself."

"But Coyote what about your bottom?"

"Coyote never makes mistakes."

It was a great party. There was dancing and drumming. We all sang and, later, I told stories to a group of young hounds in the back where it was quiet. Then, all of a sudden there was a lot of sniffing and I could smell smoke. Just that quick, some dog barked fire, fire! Smoke was everywhere.

I ran to the door. "Quick, give me your number, here’s your bottom. Here, what’s your number, here. Oh, this is impossible. Impossible!" The fire was spreading quickly. "Just grab any bottom and get out of here fast," I howled.

"Oh my, this bottom is definitely not mine. It is very uncomfortable."

"I wouldn’t worry about it now. Let’s get out of here, the fire is spreading."

Well, as you probably can guess, the great meeting lodge burned to the ground. In the confusion, every dog left with someone else’s bottom. Don’t you agree that this did happen? You can see it as clear as the nose on my face.

Well, what happens today when one dog greets another? The first thing they do is sniff each other and you can tell that they are looking for their bottom that was lost in the great meeting lodge fire.

A Coyote Tail as told by Coyote Del Arroyo (Rondall Snodgrass), and submitted to me by Extreemli Curius.

Next time I'll do a Coyote story for AVB, I might do the Coyote Kills the Giant...