"Huh? Who said that!??" I shout and do a 360 degree spin with sword in hand.

"I did."

"Who did? Where are you? Show yourself!"

"Look down. Look waaay down. Yes, that's right. I'm your smart sandal. Pleased to meet you."

"Likewise...I think."

"And I'm your other smart sandal. The pleasure's all mine."

"What was that you said about not catching up?"

"Maybe you should have a seat while we explain."

"I don't think so. Then I'd definitely never catch up."

"Okay. Have it your way," my smart sandals chime in unison.

As we jog along the path toward the labyrinth, the right sandal opens the dialogue. "Aristotle said in Physics VI:9, 239b15, that in a race, the quickest runner can never overtake the slowest, since the pursuer must first reach the point whence the pursued started, so that the slower must always hold a lead."

"That's just silly," I say with a stomp of my foot."

"Ouch!"

"Sorry 'bout that," I apologise. "I've seen with my own eyes fast runners overtake the slow ones. And what about horse races? Horses outrun each other all the time."

"I doubt it," adds the left sandal dubiously. "As Zeno of Elea says, 'You cannot even start.' The paradoxical conclusion is obvious: 'travel over any finite distance can neither be completed nor begun, and so all motion must be an illusion'."

"Oh come now," I snort disagreeably. "You don't really believe that, do you? What have we been doing all this time if not moving!!?"

"That's just an illusion," says the right sandal. "According to Zeno, 'All is one.' Contrary to the evidence of our senses, the belief in plurality and change is mistaken, and in particular that motion is nothing but an illusion."

"Oh pulease! Hurry up, will you? Flap those wings and fly. I've still got to get past the Labyrinth, the Cyclops and the Medusa. Oh look. There's the labyrinth up ahead and seven youths and maidens lined up at the entrance. And don't even bother to tell me they're an illusion too."

The sandals fall silent and start flapping their wings. While in flight, I look up labyrinths in my travel guide and read the section on Theseus and the Minotaur. I arrive just in time to follow the seven Athenian sacrificial lambs to their doom. I study the entry on Theseus very closely before proceeding any further into the maze.

"Mmmhmmm. Oh Yes. I see!" I mutter and pull the club labelled "Property of Hercules" and the ball of thread out of my tote bag. Not about to trust the map in the travel guide, I fasten the ball close to the entrance, as Theseus did, and make my way through the maze while unwinding the thread. When I reach the centre, I stumble upon the sleeping Minotaur and promptly beat him to death with Hercules' fine club, which Theseus also did. Then I pick up the little bronze statue of Zeus, follow the string back to the entrance and scoot out the door before the place is locked up for another year.

"Did you see that boys?" I say to my smart sandals. "I just killed me an illusory Minotaur and made it out of his Labyrinth to tell. Start flapping. Our next obstacle is the non-existent Cyclops."