There was much feasting and celebration,
Although the exact reason for it
Hakuin could not immediately discern.
Perhaps it was because it was Wednesday,
Or perhaps there had been fewer
Accidental fatalities that day.
Whatever the cause,
The courtyard was filled with Celts cooking and drinking.

Although the entire race seemed prone to revealing
Their hidden feelings of inadequacy through boasting,
One of the warriors stood out from the rest
Even in this regard.
He strolled from group to group
Loudly bragging about his
Rather improbable accomplishments,
And grabbing the biggest portions
Of the roasted beef and lamb.

As Hakuin sat watching and eating
A lovely lass sat beside him and attempted to use his chopsticks:
A cross-cultural experiment
That ended when she poked her finger with one of the points.
Her small cry of pain brought the strutting warrior
Immediately to her side
Vowing vengeance in a battle to the death.

Hakuin accepted, providing he could cook one final meal,
While MacBluto sat and watched without attacking
Until the meal was done.
It was agreed, and Hakuin set upon his preparations.
Going to the river he caught ten salmon
And, in good Celtic custom, threw one away.
With the angry warrior on one side
And Hakuin on the other,
He placed his traveling wok on the fire
And tossed the fish in, heating them until they were enveloped
By a cloud of smoke.

While the salmon sizzled, Hakuin taunted the warrior,
Questioning his abilities as a fighter,
A lover, and, more importantly
As a chef.
As he cooked, he tossed various spices into the wok,
Challenging his opponent to identify them by smell,
Then scoffing when he failed.
Throughout this, the warrior became increasingly angry,
And began to exhibit physical changes,
One eye swelling up, his chest expanding,
And his face turning different colours.
"It is the warp spasm!" said the onlookers,
And they pleaded with Hakuin to run while he had the time.
Instead, he lifted out a chunk of salmon and began eating
As the warrior appeared to swell to twice his normal size.
Finally Hakuin put down his plate,
Reached across with his chopsticks,
And gave the huge Celt a light push
Toppling his stiff and unbreathing body over with ease.

As Hakuin resumed his meal
He wondered how many other warriors
Suffered severe allergies to salmon oil fumes.