It was just after the marriage to the Persian princess and the extravagant wedding, of course I did not attend this elaborate farce. My spiritual teacher confronted me, as I was ringing the neck of a rooster. His eyes were full of sorrow and disapointment. "Forgive me, but I must make a broth to clear my head. This is a remedie of my people." He bowed to me and said nothing. He had regarded me as a disciple. He was a priest of a god of war, but in all of his life he had never killed anything; for his religion had forbid the eating of meat, which they considered most primitive. I had tried to follow his ways but found that the deprivation only made me crave meat more.

I did not think he would miss the few seeds of the sacred fruit which I had taken. The poor old horse was on his last legs, and I wanted to put him out of his misery. It took only a tiny amount to send him to his eternal pasture.

Later I went to Kalyana's tent to beg his forgiveness. He was in deep meditation conversing with his gods. As I turned to go he spoke and told me, "You can not own him, you can only love him."

"You do not understand Kalyana, he has disgraced me and my people with dispicable acts. In my own country I can never show my face again. Once I was greatly honored, now I can never return to my family except in shame. He has taken another wife, and this women has openly threatened to kill him. The Persian princesses only want to murder him. I told him this and warned him not to go near them, to come instead to me and I would give him a son. He and his friend openly spent that night together. This new marriage is a political one. Mine too may have been, but I was blinded by my love for him. Now he has grown tired of me, and the concubine he used befor me. She has born him a son, but we are both considered unacceptable. He has insulted my womanhood, and my femininity! I am in tears of shame, my people will not forgive this rejection. The Persian princesses are fools and do not have the power of a real woman over her man." Nor do I, I think to myself.

Kalyana takes a sip from a golden cup. Inscense is burning in the brazier, and I recognise the smell. I can tell he is in pain, he tells me that he must see Alexander. I must obey him, and I call the eunechs who take him on a litter. I am prepared to lie or die. I will deny everything, if push comes to shove.

It was after they slept together that I knew what I must do. At the banquet I sat near to Hepastion; he was enjoying his meal and I offered him the use of my lamp so he could see what he was eating. Then I offered him a dilectable peice of fruit which he ate immediately and without thought. Soon he was in great pain. I was amazed for I gave him less than I had given the horse; but the horse, even in old age, seemed to have greater stamina.

When Kalyana was brought befor Alexander all that he could say was, "You will die in Babylon." and request immediat creamation, though he was not yet dead. After that he was unable to speak no more, and not much longer he was dead. Then it was my turn to grieve.

Alexander came to comfort me. He said we had both suffered great loss and that we needed each other. He looked at me with the man eyes that I could not resist, and not much longer after that I realized that I was with child.

I went to Kalyana's tent with an offering of flowers. He had requested immediate cremation. He died with far greater dignity than did Hephastion who did nothing but whine till no sound could he utter. From the statue of the god Skanda I took the small box of sacred fruit. These secrets will go with me to my grave, but I will live and bear a son, and my son will live to be the king of the greatest empire in the world.

{This is a fictional account of the life of Roxane, the first wife of Alexander the Great of Macedonia.}