Addisonius Furius Camillus usually prided himself on his stealthy and biting final addresses at court. He had built up for himself quite a name about the courts as a fine defender; it was said that he was perhaps one of the best in his class. His concluding speeches were, it was believed by certain individuals in the suburba, almost assuredly guaranteed to level the fortunate verdict of "absolvo" upon the head of his lucky client. He seemed to be a rapidly rising star in the legal profession. However, he was beginning to wonder about this himself as he made his final address before the court (and the few spectators who had bothered to listen in) on the perplexing case of Marcellus Finaeus Temulentus, who had been accused of stealing nine hundred sesterces from an important snail baron in the south. To a modest fellow like him, the sum was immense. The snail baron wasn't particularly pleased either. Wisely, Finaeus had decided to spend the nine hundred sesterces that he had not stolen on hiring Addisonius Furius to defend him. Unfortunately, it seemed as if nobody was paying the slightest bit of attention to the poor chap's final address.

This was a shame. Addisonius was having a fine time picking apart the snail baron's evidence. He hoped that somebody would bother to listen to him.

"As you can plainly see, based on the evidence provided by the farmer Petulus, who was not, it seems inebriated at the time, there is little or no way at all that the serving woman Sentina, who was occupied in washing clothing, could have seen Finaeus enter Gaius Limax's treasury and viciously rob him of the 900 missing sesterces. Her evidence, therefore, which is the basis of Limax's argument against my client, must be rejected as being merely a figment of her imagination."

Somebody sneezed, and the attention of the listeners was yet again diverted.

"For this reason, I believe..."

The fellow sneezed again.

"...I believe..."

The magistrate suddenly lost interest (not that he had much to begin with) as a large horsefly started buzzing around his head.

"...I believe that..."

The magistrate was using his scroll to swat the blasted thing.

"...I believe that the rest of her evidence, which is her story that she herself saw him take the money, leap onto his horse, and laugh hysterically, can be discounted..."

The buzzing of the fly here ended with the sickening noise of the magistrate squashing it to a pulp with the aid of the scroll.

"...As being, likewise, a figment of her imagination."

"Oh, yes, he would say that...the cheeky little...cheeky...little..." grumbled the serving woman in a quiet tone, searching for a fair description of the barrister.

"Based on this, I am forced to suggest that the accusing party, Gaius Limax, has no real argument against my client. He seems unable to do anything else besides putting forward no stronger evidence than the dubious tale of this untruthful washing woman, whose mind was probably too clouded by alcohol at the time to allow her to distinguish between my client and one of the large snails that her master breeds."

"Not so..." said the serving woman, her voice still in a quiet tone. "I know a snail when I see one. I also note a cheeky little...cheeky...rascally...cheeky..."

No one else showed any emotion, whatsoever. Not even so much as a belch, as was frequently heard from the dwellers of the suburba. There was just the buzzing of the flies in the distance. This was rather disturbing, as he had come to the end of his closing address. He sat down, and waited for the verdict.

It was disappointing.

"Still," Addisonius Furius said to Apelles, his Greek slave, as he made for home, "every lawyer falls short of managing a win at all times. We're not demi-gods, after all. It shan't terribly effect my career, either. Well, I'll get less work from people who have stolen from snail barons, I suppose. But this isn't such a loss. They all smell of garlic."

"Most assuredly, master. Garlic."

"And I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would want to smell of garlic at all times of the day."

"Neither can I, master."