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* Desdemona Eurimedon
August 4 , 2005
Growing up. Posted at 03:15 EST
I watched in the distance,
my eyes never closing,
an observer of life I be.

Battles comming and going,
conquer them all you did.
Foes falling at your feet,
standing up never more.

The struggles of life,
left your childhood behind.
In a cataclysmic moment,
all surrounding was gone.

Left behind,
are the memories,
from times gone by,
faces now blurring away from the mind.

So at last you've reached the gods,
"Arise" they spoke and commanded.
"You are now a new man.
Stand and lead your tribe"
July 1 , 2005
Bitch Posted at 16:15 EST
You know how some songs sometimes get to you?
When you hear them for the first time they dont really mean a thing, but after hearing it over and over aagin it starts to get to you.
Well this one hit me the other day :D
Enjoy!


Meredith Brooks - Bitch

I hate the world today, your so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you, but you look at me like
Maybe I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet,
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused, I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you think you've got me figured out
The season is already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When your hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way.
December 14 , 2004
For those close to my heart and also tired of the usual Posted at 09:15 EST
When you are sad...
I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum s*****g bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue...
I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.

When you smile...
I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared...
I'll rag you about it every chance i get.

When you are worried...
I'll tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.

When you are confused...
I will use little words to explain things to your dumb arse.

When you are ill...
Stay away from me until you´re well again.
I dont want whatever you have.

When you fall...
I will point and laugh at your clumbsy arse.

This my oath...
I pledge till the end of time.

Why you may ask?

Because you are my friend.
October 9 , 2004
Friend or Foe Posted at 16:15 EST
What is a friend?
A person that makes you laugh?
A person to love?

What is a foe?
Is that the one that broke your heart?
The one you once loved?

Love and hate,
Such a thin line.

Can make you weep,
Can make you laugh.

What is a friend,
But one to love,
One that loves you,
No matter what.

What is a foe,
But the one that made you cry.
September 7 , 2004
A wish... Posted at 17:30 EST
I believe that the primary reason why we are alive is to give a sense of hope to other people or to be light to others.

We are all meant to shine,as children do.
This light is not just in some of us;it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others.

It is not always so easy to be happy.
It is not always easier to choose to love the things that you do... instead of always yearning for what you are missing or what it is you are imagining you're missing.

But it is so much more peaceful.

The mind drifts to shadows of friends and lovers,that once were important,and you want to give them strengh.

I wish I were your food so that I may give you strenght.

I wish I were your garment so that I might keep you warm.

But most of all I wish I were the wall on which you lean against after a hard day.
July 19 , 2004
The Reason Posted at 12:15 EST
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

By Hoobastank


[Thanks to "hugekornfreak" for these lyrics]
May 16 , 2004
The seasons of change Posted at 14:00 EST
The wind from the north moved in and blew the fire away,
making the trees tremble in it's way

The south winds wiped her tears away,
as she watched the magnificent splendor of the flames

The eastern wind put a smile on her face,
making her dance in the fire's place

The western wind took it away
and replaced it with his solitary embrace.
Obsession Posted at 14:00 EST
What you need is to be held
What you need is to be loved

You were robbed of what was most sacred to you
Your love

What you need is to know
What you need is for it to pass

You need to feel the joy
You need to know the past
May 1 , 2004
The Monster,for Egil's Saga Competition. Posted at 20:00 EST
By Masala and Desi


The monster,Chapter I

She could hear, and feel, the breath of this ”Being” rushing behind her.
The problem was that she did not know from which direction it was coming from, or just how close it was.

The leaves brushed against her face and body as she ran and the thorns ripped her skin as she ran through the bushes and threes, trying to hide from that “Thing”, what ever it was.

She knew that she would be followed until she reached the cemetery; her sent was being left behind, in her blood, for that “Thing” to follow it.
But at the cemetery, there, she cold hide, the smell of death would confuse it, she was sure of it.

She knew “He” was coming, he was close and he would help her, she knew that he would know what to do, but the ironic thing was that she didn’t even know who he was, but she could feel him near. And he would help her. She just had to get to the cemetery.

“Lights”, she could see lights. So she ran to them and the “Thing” still ran after her. For some reason the lights seamed to come closer that they should have, as she ran towards them, which made her realize that they were actually a car. She ran as fast as she could, if fact so fast that the car almost ran her over when she reached the motorway.

The car was a beautiful model J, Dusenberg in dark blue. It had been traveling very fast though the woods. The driver didn’t even realize that it was in fact a woman running; all he saw was a dark figure jumping just in front of the car. The wheels had made a terrible noise as they stopped, almost like a child screaming out and they had left deep, dark marks on the pavement. The smell of burnt rubber had left a sickening feeling in the lungs.
It seamed as if an eon of time had past by the time the car had stopped in front of her, when it in fact had probably just been a few seconds, if that.

A very tall man got out of the car, the driver, whom reluctantly asked her if she was alright, while taking a step away from her. She was so out of breath that she could barely bring herself to tell the man that something was following her and that she needed help. Just as the driver was going to respond to her short, coughing sentence, she herd a voice, a dark sensual voice, so obviously a mans. – Let her in! It said. Then the door opened from inside and the light hit the pavement, but she could not see inside.
She was scared, really scared, petrified in fact. For some reason the felt fear for what was inside that car, but she knew that the only way to get away from that “Thing” that was following her was to get in and let the man drive of.
The “Thing”, she could still feel its presence; it was very close, probably watching her. She had managed to forget about it for a few seconds while realizing that she was almost as afraid of what was inside that car. So yes the thing was close, but it would not attack, for some reason, while she was in their company.
The feeling of simultaneous fright and safety completely terrified her, but the knew, as she had known everything else that she was safer in the car than alone, with that “Thing”, in the middle of the woods. So she got in.

The only thing she wanted was to get out of those woods so she told the driver to please drive away, fast. But the driver waited for the man to tell him that he should drive.
-Go ahead, Nathaniel! He said, in that dark and sensual voice. And the car took of, very fast, leaving that “Thing” behind. And then he turned to her. -What are you so scared of? He asked, very calmly. Almost soothing.
–Tell me your name! he continued. -You can call me Angela, the girl replied.
-Angela, so pretty and innocent, isn’t it? But you are not innocent, are you? Who are you?

What did he mean? She was Angela, she knew that, but what did he mean, and why should she tell him the rest? The rest, she didn’t remember.
-What’s wrong? He asked again. Why won’t you tell me who you are? -I can’t remember…I think. I remember running though the woods, and that “Thing” it followed me. -What “Thing”? He asked.
-That “thing followed me, but I can remember how I got there.
-Well then, who are you? And what was following you? He asked again. -I’m Angela, I told you that.
-And the rest… he said.
-I cannot remember the rest.
-So…you don’t remember a thing, not who you are, or what you are doing here, nor why that “Thing”, as you call it, was following you. Well…do you remember why you are covered in mud…and blood?
-What? Yes…I was running, from that ”Thing”.
-Oh, yes, the “Thing”. What exactly was that “Thing”? -I don’t know, I can remember its smell, it was horrible, and I can remember that it was huge. But I don’t know what it is.
-There is not much you DO know, is there? So, why are you covered in blood? -It was chancing me though the woods, the thorns, they hurt me as I ran though the bushes.
-I see! He remarked.
-We have arrived, sir! The driver interrupted.
There was no reply to his words.
The car stopped and the driver got out to open the car door.
The man got out before she did, she followed him. All she could hear was the sound of the wind against the leaves and the sound of the door slamming shot.

When she got out of the car she realized just what she must have looked like. By the light of the moon, she could see that mud, twigs and leaves were clinging to her every piece of clothing and hair.
Her face, she could feel the mud stiffening on her skin. She tried to rub some of it of and realized that blood was dripping, slowly from her hands, face and skull.

And all of the sudden she realized that the driver was talking to her. He asked if something was wrong, if she still could walk, if she was all right. She answered that she looked worse than she felt and turned to talk to the man, the one that had let her in to the car, but he has disappeared.
Where could he have gone…obviously into the house, where else. So she looked as she was following the driver, whom had just told her to follow him in to the house.

When she looked up she could not help but be impressed of the size of the building, it was not a house, it was a great mansion, immense in fact. The first thing she saw was a massive door, with intricate carvings and what appeared to be ancient writings, or so she thought. It was obviously a very old mansion, probably a couple of hundred years, there were carvings covering every wall and windowsill and huge gargoyles on every corner of the massive terraces just above the door. The intricate carvings and statues brought to mind a gothic era, now long past.

The driver, Nathaniel, pulled the door back, which had been left open by the man, and showed her in. If it was at all possible, she stepped in to an even more impressing room than what the outside of the mansion told of. The entrance hall was an impressive room of woodcarvings, it seamed that the entire mansion would be, and probably was, covered in carvings, both inside and out. The mahogany dominated every corner of it and the floors were of a lovely pink marble. Of course, where from, she did not know. And as she never had been inside a place such as this, it seamed even more impressive to her. But what really perplexed her was the man that had let her inside his home. Who was he?

She was shown by the driver into what appeared to be a sitting room, there she found the man, sitting on a leather chair, by the fire. The first thing he said, before she even got a chance to speak was that if she desired, and he hoped she would, she could use one of the rooms upstairs to clean herself up.
So Nathaniel again showed her up the stairs before she cold even thank the man or ask who he was.

What happened next was a terrible blur, she must have showered or bathed because she found herself sitting on the bed, in the room she had obviously been shown into. She wore only a robe, a terry cloth robe of white colour and nothing else. Her hair was wet, which was what told her that she must have taken a shower, but her clothes were nowhere to be found.
She could remember nothing of what had gone on the past, the past what…minutes, hours…she didn’t even know how long it had been since she was led to this room. She didn’t even know what the time was. Again, she remembered nothing. What could she do?

She decided to walk down the stairs to finally, and properly, meet the man, whom had so obviously saved her, but from what? And then she remembered, that “Being”, that “Thing” that had followed her though the woods and the terror took hold of her again. What had that been? And were was it now? So she decided to walk down.

As she walked down the stairs the looked at all the paintings hanging from the stair walls, paintings of old people, from years long past.
–They must be his family. She thought.
To the right of the bottom of the stairs she found the door to what the assumed was the sitting room.
He still sat there, this time with a drink in his hand, cognac she thought it was, well, it was a cognac glass, she knew that much.
But she knew very little of such things.

He must have herd her come down because as soon as she entered the room she ones again herd his dark voice saying: -Do come in, and sit down…I would finally like to hear who you are. She did as he suggested and sat down in an identical leather chair, next to him.

Again he spoke: -What were you running from? That very sensual voice, it almost drove her mad, but it also scared her and still she did not know why.
-I do not know what I was running from, all I know is that it was big and monstrous and smelt horribly.
She responded.
-But how can you know that it was big and monstrous if you do not know what it was? Did you see it? He asked again.
-No, not quite. I could see a big shadow running behind me, it sounded big…I mean, its steps, they sounded heavy, large.
-Put, all you saw was a shadow. He insisted.
-I don’t know what to tell you, what can I say to make you understand…I cannot remember anything…what can I say?
-Only the truth. He responded.
She sat there, quiet, for some time and then she began to talk. She told him how she had woken up in the woods with than “Thing” on top of her, attacking her. It was scratching her and trying to bite her, squeezing her throat and trying to strangle her.

She told him that she could still feel the strong hands around her neck and the smell of it. The horrible smell of it. It was a putrefied horrible smell, rank…the smell of …death. It smelt like a corpse, but of course it couldn’t have been one, it was alive.

Then, somehow, she got loose and ran, she just ran, as if her life depended upon it, which it did. She told him how she had seen the lights of his car, and just had run to it. Ran to salvation.
That was all she remembered.

He questioned her for a couple of hours, trying to get some more information out of her, but it was apparent that she genuinely did not remember anything else. He did however decide that he did not want her in his home any longer than it was absolutely necessary, so he told her that he would arrange for a cab to pick her up, to take her wherever she needed to go.

This was not a problem, she had in fact not felt comfortable in his presence so she decided she would go away, she would be safer somewhere else, as long as that “Thing” didn’t follow her.

They sat for what must have been thirty of forty minutes, at least it felt as long as that, in total silence. He’s questions has seized and he no longer looked at her. She on the other hand was trying to make sence of this man.

He was a very strapping man, with a very sensual voice. He had beautiful dark brown hair, which fell on his shoulders like a thick curtain, and deep, blue eyes. In fact, he seamed to look straight through her, not at her. She could almost not take her eyes of he’s. And he’s mouth. He’s lips brought to mind one of Botticelli’s Angels. They had a childlike manner about them, but as soon as he spoke they looked harsh and rigid, almost cruel.

She followed the contours of he’s skin down her chin, trough the front of he’s neck and down towards he’s chest. He barely moved, in fact she could not even see him move as he took breath and now that he thought crossed her mind she could only see a minuscule movement around his fingers, as if he had been following the sound of music, deep in his mind.
She could see the contours of his muscles underneath his shirt. He was wearing a crimson silk shirt which stuck to his chest live an extra lager of skin. She could see every muscle when he moved, which did not happen often.

She could not quite tell what to think of him. He seamed strange somehow, motionless and too pale. She was about to ask him what is name was, which she still did not know, when he opened his lips just a little bit and told her that her cab had arrived, the very next second the doorbell rang, it was the cab driver. She could hear him talk to Nathaniel.

-Well, this is where we part. The man said. –Good bye.
And before she could reply Nathaniel escorted her out.



Part II

Escorted by the coachman, Angela wearily negotiated the steps, as they departed for the car.
Afraid she might faint, she clung to the rail.
“Are you OK, Mam?”
The driver began to realize this was not going to be a pleasant job, but he has been tipped generously and was determined to see the job through.
Forcing a smile she replied, “Yes I’ll be fine, I’m just a bit week in the knees. My blood sugar must be low I’m starving.”
The wind picked up that chilled to the bone. Eerie shadows cast about a terrace washed of color in the moonlight. All, however, seemed to be well again with the car was at hand. All that was left was to seek the safety and security of home… home??
“Where to Mam?” asked the man, trying to disguise his eagerness to get the evening over with.
“I want to go home.”
“And where might that be my lady?”
“I … I… don’t”, she stammered.
The fear began to creep back in her. The hair on her neck raised. Visions flashing in her mind, the darkness was returning…
“It’s close. It’s going to overtake me. I have to run.”
She looked around in desperation not knowing where to go. Where to turn.
“I’ll take you where ever you want, but you have to tell me where to go.
OH DAMNATION, what the bloody hell are you doing now?!”
In exasperation, the man realized he was going to have to take her to the city to get the care she needed. Either that or leave her behind to be someone else’s problem.
With a sigh of exasperation he moved around the car to assist her through the door.
He had been paid. If nothing else, he had to see her clear of the mansion’s grounds.
Withdrawing from his initial touch, the man’s impatience grew as he grabbed her arm more forcefully.
“Let ME GO”, she shrieked. “We have to get AWAY!”
“Oh you are going away all right! Don’t you worry about that!”
In full resistance her arms flailed about as she struggled to get away.
Out of control, her open palmed hands strike, nails gauging her assailant’s face.
The man cries out,
“Damn you demon woman!!! Off with you! I don’t care what you do”, as he pushes her back in self defense.
Angela is consumed in the darkness.
It has returned, she can feel it all about her. Her head swirling in a dizziness, she can run no more.
Week with hunger she staggers forward to catch her balance against the car.
Even as the world seems to spin about her, she catches her reflection in the taxi’s windshield.

Expecting to see the beast behind her ready to pounce, she is surprised to see only herself.
Horrified, she looks into herself as she witnesses the flames in her eyes ignite.
Closing her eyes, she can smell the freshness of the man’s wounds as she ravenously licks her fingers clean.
“Go back to hell you crazy bitch! You are insane!” The man grabs for his door, but it’s still locked.
In his haste he fumbles for the keys buried deep within his pockets.
His jeans are tight and with a final tug they fly out and fall to the darkness of the ground.
In a bout of weakness, Angela has given in to the monster within her. She can no longer run from herself.
She must feed.
Hissing in rage she almost seems to fly as she falls upon her helpless victim.
“NO NO GET AWAY! HELP HELP! AAAAAAA.”

Angela was ravenous with hunger, she had not feasted in nearly 20 years.
She was a monster and wanted to be back safely in her grave where she could sleep away eternity without harming another soul.
Oh those foolish grave robbers!
At least she was kind enough not to pass on her tortuous fate to them.
The pain of eternal life was too much to endure. The constant torment, the never ending hunger.
In this sympathetic light, she felt the bow pass into her heart.
Up from on the balcony, Nathaniel completed his task.
Slowly lowering his medieval crossbow,
“It is done, captain.”
Looking upon the broken man before him.
“ I know what you had hoped, but she is ill. She is happier this way. The arrow will ensure that she rests peacefully. This is what Angela would have wanted.”

The soothing voice, trying to hold from breaking as the tears began to stream down his cheeks,
“I know, but, oh how I miss my lovely Angelina."
As Nathaniel departs to place the poor twisted and tortured frame of Angela back in her grave, her father wept the tears that only a father can shed.
He is not sure who to pity more.
April 29 , 2004
Winterland Posted at 16:00 EST
The northen wind blew in.
Carresing the foliage,
reminding me of a soft hand against my hair.

Leaves lifted from the ground.
Dancing the dance of death,
as their colours changed.

Little drops of freesing water,
melted by the sun.
Driping down on the first hints of grass,
attempting to fight their way out of the snow.

It all seemed magical.
The cold wind beating against my skin.
Rays of light making my eyes hurt.
Then a leaf slowly caresing against my lips.

Far of a hawk flying down,
to demand it's prey.
The small roadent easyly giving up it's life.

Leaving nothing but a small trace of blood on the otherwhise pure icy snow.
As the sun looked down upon this landskape,
as a god withnessing the circle of life.

It made the snow sparkle,
sparkle like the purest with gold,
with no imperfection but the small trace of the dance between the mouse and hawk.

DE






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